Four years. Four years have passed since he got into school. Four years since the craziest summer of his life. Four years since he met Giulia and was adopted into her wonderful, divided family. Four years since he met…
The train moves abruptly which causes him to shake violently and his thoughts to dissipate, immediately returning him to reality. Giulia was waking up from her nap while he had his copy of The Catcher in the Rye in his hands. A presumably quite controversial book that Giulia's mother gave him for his seventeenth birthday. The truth is, of the contemporary books he had read, this one in particular seemed the most interesting. He could identify with Holden and shared his philosophies, but he couldn't understand why the novel itself was so controversial.
“Why are Americans so scandalized by this book?” Luca asked to himself.
“Because Holden says the word ass on, like, every page.” A sleepy Giulia stammered.
True, maybe that was why. The amount of foul language in the novel could be enough to upset American audiences. Of course, from his Italian—or European in general, for that matter—point of view, bad language was their daily bread. At twelve years old you already knew how to curse people in five different ways.
But how strange, he would swear there must have been something more scandalous about that book. It was just about a depressed kid going through a lot of tragedies. Maybe depression was scandalous in America. Depression and a sixteen year old boy hiring a prostitute.
“You're going to tell him?” Giulia's voice brought him out of his thoughts. He knew exactly what she meant by that question.
Luca shrugged.“I suppose. I just don't know when.”
He didn't want to think about it that much, that's why he distracted himself by rambling about the cultural impact that Salinger's words left on American society. Because every time he thought about it his entire body began to tingle with nervousness and excitement. But he was determined to do it. He was determined to confess his feelings for Alberto after four long years. After so much confusion, so much internal conflict, so much insecurity and so much agony, he decided it was time. That he couldn't bear spending another day without being in his arms.
He had his doubts, starting with the fact that he believed it was impossible for him to like boys. That is to say, from a very young age he was taught that he should only like girls, and boys were out of the question. He didn't even consider the idea, much less think it was possible. That was why, for a long time, he was quite convinced that his feelings towards Alberto could not be more than a pure friendship, since he was never taught that he could feel anything but friendship towards another boy. Now that he thinks about it, it’s actually really funny, looking back. Of course, completely platonic feelings towards someone you insist on sleeping with more often. And when you are together, alone, at night, and you can't sleep, think about how cute he looks asleep. And how soft the texture of his hair must be. And how it will feel to kiss him on the lips. And how much muscle he has gained working as a lifeguard and fisherman.
Completely platonic feelings. Of course.
At sixteen he had to confront his doubts and admit to himself that he was madly, desperately and hopelessly in love with Alberto. That part was easy, because Alberto was an incredible person. He was attentive, funny, self-confident, determined, a good listener and caring. It wouldn't be difficult for anyone to develop feelings for him. That was why what made him sick was not falling in love with Alberto, but falling in love with a boy. Therefore, realizing that made him cry. And cry, and cry, and cry. Knowing how the world already treated him for being a sea monster, being queer would be much worse. He was already facing marginalization from one part of his identity. Why did it have to be from both parts now? But he accepted it, at the end of the day. He accepted that aspect of himself and embraced it. Therefore on that day of June in '63 at the age of seventeen, Luca decided to finally confess his love and hoped to be reciprocated.
“You know it will be reciprocated.” Giulia said suddenly, as if reading his mind. She still looked sleepy, both eyes closed as her head rested on his shoulder.
Luca looked at her for a few seconds before looking at his book again.
“Yeah.” He answered. “I know.”
Giulia snorted. “You sound very sure of yourself.”
“Why wouldn't I be?” He shrugged and closed the book. “You said it yourself before. It's painful to see how much he likes me.”
Well, it was indeed painful to see how Alberto did anything to impress Luca. Or how he insisted that they have sleepovers every day. Or how there was always something on the island that Luca had to see, even if they both knew there would be nothing and that they only longed for each other's company so much they created excuses to spend more time with each other.
“Well, don't give yourself many flowers either.” Said Giulia fixing her posture. “Being here it's really uncomfortable. How much do we have until home?”
Luca looked out through the window; the sky was gray and it looked like a storm was coming.
“It may take a while”
(...)
What's taking them so long? Alberto wondered as he sat on a bench under the roof of the train station with an umbrella in his hand. The previous years they had arrived right at one o'clock. No more no less. That year, however, it was half past one and there were still no traces of any train on the tracks, which was making him desperate; Something happened? Are they fine?
Cats and dogs seemed to rain from the sky. He stuck his hand out into the rain and saw how the brown, fleshy skin turned blue and soft under the raindrops. He looked at the sky, adjusted his hat and crossed his arms under the roof of the bench.
“They haven't arrived yet?” Massimo asked as he approached, causing Alberto to divert all his attention to him.
“It's weird, right? Do you think it's the rain? It has rained several times before and they still arrive on time. Why do you think they’re late now?”
“Well, it’s not a tiny drizzle today, it’s a storm. It makes sense that the train conductor would want to be more careful even if it means delaying the arrival.” Massimo seemed to be studying the sky and he didn't like how it looked at all “Are you sure you don't want to go home, son? The weather may get worse.”
Alberto chuckle. “It's not like I could get sick anyway, right?”
At that comment, Massimo frowned and hesitated for a few seconds. Sometimes he forgot that the boy was a sea folk.
“Well… I'll stay and wait with you, then.”
“There's no need…”
Ignoring him, Massimo sat next to him staring at the train tracks.
“She's my daughter, Beto. I want to be there when she arrives. I always have been.”
Alberto took his eyes off the man to return his gaze to the train tracks. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms to wait. At that moment both wearing serious expressions, looked like the same person. Both with the same mannerisms and expressions.
The hurried steps of Mrs. and Mr. Paguro became more scandalous as they approached the train station. The woman, Daniela, had a worried expression that Alberto had seen several times before, but not on anyone other than her.
“Have they arrive yet?” She asked, then, with palpable desperation and labored breathing. Both Massimo and Alberto shook their heads. “Mio Dio, what could have happened to them!? The conductor, that good man... Not a single year has he taken this long... What’s the reason for the delay this year?”
“It must be the storm…” Lorenzo said, trying to calm his wife.
“It's the storm.” Massimo stated “It has happened before with Giulia. Of course, never this late but… Well. I'm sure Luca is fine.”
And he is , Alberto thought, he has to be.
(...)
Great, now the damn train has stopped and if the train stops and I stay in silence long enough I'm going to overthink my confession and if I overthink my confession I probably won't end up making it and if I don't end up making it I'll be yearning for something that may never happen because of my stupid insecurity for another year.
“What's going on?! Why has the train stopped!? We are about fifteen minutes from Porto Rosso walking! I can see my house from the window!”
“It's raining too much.” Luca rationalized, trying to calm his best friend and himself in the process. “An accident can occur with the tracks so wet and the driver's blindness in the rain.”
“Ha! Accident…” Giulia got up from her seat angrily and hastily smoothed her skirt. “Come on, Luca, bring our stuff! We're getting off the train!”
“What…?”
“As you heard! We're getting off now!”
Giulia was already walking towards the entrance of the train and Luca followed her with stilts and hurried steps with their suitcases in both hands. He didn't know where that would take them. Possibly to be suspended from the train for the next year but it didn’t matter! He wanted to see his family as soon as possible! He wanted to see Alberto as soon as possible, Goddamn it!
When Giulia was planning to get off the train immediately, the driver came out of his cabin and looked them up and down. Luca shrugged, terrified.
“Where are you two going?” The man asked, demanding an immediate answer.
“We're going to get off the train! We can't waste time and we need to get home as soon as possible!”
“Oh yeah? And can you tell what is so important for me to prioritize you over the other passengers?”
“Well, you don't have to prioritize us. We already told you that we want to get off the train. Our stop is close, you can leave us here and we’ll walk. No one would be affected”
“But why should I?”
“Because I'm pregnant!”
Several people around them as well as Luca gasped in astonishment. Except that Luca's was due to how much surprised he was by the lengths to which his friend could go to get what she wanted.
“Pregnant…?” Said the man, perplexed; Pregnant? The little girl in front of him didn't look older than sixteen!
“Yes… It's a bastard pregnancy. I told my dad on the phone and he's furious. He said that my boyfriend and I should arrive in Porto Rosso and get married immediately.” She looked at Luca for a few seconds and looked down at the ground, trying to hold back her laughte. “Please sir. You don't know the situation we are in. If we don't arrive as soon as possible, my father will kill us. Have mercy.”
The driver frowned, quite puzzled. What was he supposed to do at that moment?
A passenger stood up from her seat and shouted: “Let the poor kids off! Let them get married!”
And a crowd followed demanding that he let them get off. Luca was fascinated; How the fuck did that work?
The driver sighed. “Okay, I'll let you go down, but take care of yourselves. The rain has now subsided, but you’re still at risk of getting sick.”
“That's not going to be a problem.” Luca assured.
The man opened the train door, letting them both out.
“Have a happy wedding! Dio vi benedica! Ciao!”
“Ciao!” Luca and Giulia said in unison before going down with their suitcases on their heads.
Having already closed the train, Luca sighed and shook his head as he looked at his best friend, who was laughing uncontrollably
“A pregnancy?! Couldn't you have come up with something better?!”
“Well, you couldn't think of anything! I had to improvise!”
Luca looked at the sky, at the rain, and let himself be completely soaked, revealing his scaly nature. The driver was right: the rain had eased a bit, but there were no signs of it stopping anytime soon either.
“Well, we have to hurry. We don't want to be even more late.”
(...)
It has only been an hour. It has only been an hour. It's okay, it has only been an hour. Only an hour late. It has only been an hour.
“My Lord! When the train arrives, I swear I will kill the conductor!” Daniela exclaimed indignantly.
“Please don't do that, love.” Lorenzo pleaded.
Alberto covered his face with both hands, frustrated; How long would it take them? He was starting to go crazy.
I so wanted to see Luca again... To be able to hug him... To be able to listen to him talk about how school went that year... To show him how the tower is that year. That time he remodeled it again, and had started a collection of vinyl records that he wanted to listen to with him.
That was the only thing he could afford to do with him. Because he was his friend. And the friends couldn't do anything more than that.
With a sigh, he began to wobble one leg in a nervous gesture. How much longer would they have to be away?
But what his restless eyes saw when he looked up caused him to skip a heartbeat. Unmistakable scales that varied from green to blue, and a mop of long red hair ran towards him from afar. Alberto stood up suddenly, alerting the Paguros and Massimo.
“They’re coming!” He shouted “It's them!”
Luca and Giulia signaled to them from afar. Daniela and Lorenzo got up from the bench with such haste that the poor man almost fell, but it didn't matter. They ran towards their boy and hugged him in the turbulent rain. Kissing his cheeks and thanking God for keeping him safe.
“What took you guys so long?! Why do you come walking?! How could you think of coming walking?! Are you aware of the dangers you could’ve faced walking here alone?!”
“Mammina, I will answer those questions later. I'm pretty tired now and being wet on the surface is pretty unpleasant.” He bent down to pick up his suitcase from the floor, which he had dropped in a gesture of relief of seeing his parents.
Her mother seemed ready to protest, but her husband stopped her. “They came running.” He explained. “They must be pretty tired.”
His eyes met those of the boy he had been longing to see since he knew they would return to Porto Rosso. Luca smiled and Alberto exhaled air that he didn't know he was holding. He sat on the bench without looking away or erasing the smile on his face, which confused Alberto, but he wouldn't stop smiling. No one could imagine how distressing it was to have him so far away. He would cherish every moment of their closeness, even if it's just knowing glances.
Luca took a towel from his suitcase to dry his face, arms and head.
“Are you waiting for me to say hello?” He asked while drying his hair.
“Something like that.”
“Then wait.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“You’ll survive.”
“I doubt it.”
“You know you have a sister, right?” He asked, acting disinterested, as if his heart wasn't racing. “You can say hello to her.”
Alberto looked at Giulia talking to her dad while drying herself with her own towel.
“She's busy.”
“I see. So I have no choice?”
“Doesn’t seem like you do.”
With a sigh, he stood up from the bench, and looked at the boy-turned-man who stood before him. The boy he left in that little fishing town to go to the city. The difference in his height was still quite noticeable; while Luca was five feet and three inches tall, he could swear that Alberto stood on six feet. He was also well dressed. With a beige button-down shirt and brown suspender pants. He held an open umbrella in his left hand and had his right hand in his pocket, keeping himself as dry as possible.
And Alberto saw him, too. Now Dry. His silky brown curls. His night-dark eyes. His milky skin full of freckles. With mature yet softened features. He had grown so much. They had grown so much. But he grew so beautifully. So breathtakingly.
Alberto's smile softened. Changing from playful to sincere.
“I missed you so much. You have no idea how. I have no idea what happened there, what took you so long, but I'm glad you're here with…”
Luca stood on tiptoe, grabbed Alberto by the straps, and planted a kiss on his lips, interrupting his words. It was a kiss, a simple touch, nothing out of this world, but it was enough for Alberto to forget everything he knew about... anything. Even talk. Maybe in that touch of lips Luca took away the words that he knew. Maybe that was enough for his world to go upside down. Maybe his lips were too soft, and his skin too silky, and his eyes too pretty, and now his thoughts weren't making any sense.
He didn't know what to do with his hands. He staggered back a little because he couldn't get stability. The tingling that ran through his body could only be defined as magic, perhaps remnants of nebula stored under his dermis. He chose to close his eyes and let himself go. Moving closer to him, continuing with the kiss.
Oh, now he could enjoy it. And how much he was enjoying it. Even if it wasn't more than a touch between their lips—no tongue, no waist grab, no anything—, How much didn't he want just that? That touch, that sweet touch. He let go of the umbrella to place his two hands on both sides of Luca's face.
Having separated after a while, there was no thought in his mind. Nothing he could say was worthy of that moment.
Luca gave a nervous chuckle. “I missed you a lot too.”
Alberto looked at him, knowing that he was red even in the ears, and Luca didn't look much better; How did he define that moment? What could he say to not ruin it?
“We could tell” Giulia said, being the reminder that they were not alone“Aren't you going to say hello to me, Beto? I missed you too! But don't dare kiss me, ew”
“S-Shut up…” he couldn't even start to speak because his voice came out shaky. So he cleared his throat and tried again. “S-Shut up…” Another throat-clearing sound… “S-Spewlia…”
Giulia directed her gaze to Luca.
“You better fix him. You burned his brain more than what it already was.”
“I'll take care of him, don't worry.”
Date: January 6, 2024